The (Not So) Temple Tale.

So, I finally did it. The thing that every fellow foreigner has been ranting and raving about since I set foot on this peninsula: a temple stay.

Let me just preface it by saying that it was NOTHING like I expected, and, from the stories of others who have done it (as well as the itinerary itself), nothing like how it was supposed to be.

In the event that you've never slept in a Buddhist temple, let's start by exploring all of the things on the list of "supposed-to-be"s, shall we?

How it was supposed to be:

I'm told that it's supposed to be a very soul-calming and mind-opening experience. (Despite the fact that I'm definitely 100% Christian, I couldn't turn down the opportunity to have my soul calmed and mind opened, especially while residing in a place that is anything but.) Upon my arrival, I was supposed to be whisked into a room where I would learn all about Buddhism and temple protocols, and then made to change out of my regular-people clothes and into the baggy, gray, MC Hammer pants and Karate Kid shirt and belt similar to what the monks were wearing. (No one ever mentioned anything about having to shave my head, thankfully.) After having changed clothes, explored the temple grounds and getting settled into our women-only shared room, I was then supposed to have dinner with a monk and learn more about the Buddhist faith, various meditation techniques and exactly the things that temple life entails. I was also supposed to use this time to ask questions, which of course I had. After having my mind simultaneously calmed and blown via new information (I'm an info. addict, and I am NOT ashamed! Ha!) meditation, and temple tea, I was supposed to shower and retire to my pallet on the floor of my shared room (being extra careful not to kill so much as a mosquito, as Buddhists do not kill anything) and allow my newly-calmed mind to drift off into sleep in preparation for my 4 a.m. wake-up call. (This was all supposed to happen by 7p.m., in case you're curious.) After having awakened (That phrase was a bit of a challenge. You never realize how "use it or lose it" complex grammar is until you teach ESL!) before the sun, I was supposed to get lost in meditation and melody of the special drums being played by the monks. After being taken to yet another level of calmness, I was supposed to sip tea while discussing ways for world peace (Okay, so maybe that part was just something that I just imagined would happen, but you never know!). At around 6 a.m., I was supposed to have breakfast (vegetarian, bien sur) and meditate enough to be in complete harmony with the universe, drink some more temple tea and then prepare for my departure from the temple in an eternal state of bliss.

Now if you think for una segunda that even a watered-down version of the above story actually materialized, then I gotta bridge to sell you in Brooklyn. No, really...


How it was:

Where do I even begin? When we arrived, we were ushered to our shared, "women only" sleeping quarters, and allowed to explore the temple grounds. Never were we given our "Hammer time" pants nor our "Grasshopper/Wax on, wax off" shirts, which was a little disappointing for me. (Hey, I was really trying to get into the whole enlightened-minded-people-wear-the-same-clothes-as-the monks thing. Plus there was nothing calming about my multi-colored floral print dress.) While waiting for dinner, I hiked through the woods in said dress (And not a single mosquito bite! Amazing..) and had a 5 second conversation with a monk that we something like this:
Monk: "Hi. Where.are.you.from?"
Me, the soon-to-be-enlightened-chick-in-the-corner: "Oh, hi. I'm from the USA."
Monk: Smiles. "Very good. Nice to meet you."
Me: "Thank you. You, too."
Monk walks away.

Little did I know at the time, but, aside from a few orders given to me in Korean from the one female monk that I encountered (The next morning, she would also hand me a colorful bead bracelet with a glow-in-the-dark swastika in the middle. Apparently, Hitler stole it from the Buddhists. Who knew??) that would be the extent of my conversation with them. So I made small talk with the other foreigners who were also apart of the group to attempt to kill time. Dinner came and went sans fanfare, and again, there was more talking to foreigners. (I've never actually met anyone from Alaska. How's life up there? Cold? Is ice fishing really as boring as it looks? Do you make daily liquor runs to Russia?) Not exactly enlightening conversation. There was tea, but in light of the fact that it was like 95 degrees outside, I passed on that, too. Sadly, the most stimulation that I derived from "dinner with the monks" (sitting BEHIND us and eating in silence) was discovering that Alaska gets 20 consecutive hours of sunlight in the summer, and the slight sense of anxiety that I experienced while trying to eat every single thing that I had placed on my plate after being told that the monks are very serious about not wasting even a tiny morsel of food. (In the same breath I was also told that at some temples it is also customary to drink your dishwater as a sign of  humbleness and harmony with the universe. Here's the part where I am actually happy about my unconventional temple stay experience.) The buck stopped there.

So, rather than meditating myself to sleep after dinner, we instead left the grounds to go to an expo of sorts, which was fine, because it was expected. What I didn't expect was watching our group leaders get inebriated while at said expo. (We were staying in a temple for goodness sakes! Really??) Turns out this was merely a preview of what was to come. Some other things that I didn't expect to happen:

-When we arrived back at the temple, I hopped off the shuttle and into a cloud of cigarette smoke. Apparently, our bus driver had decided that the entrance to the temple was an ideal spot to light up.

-After navigating through the nicotine, I entered the "women only" room (under temple rules, men were supposed to be prohibited) only to find that the men who had helped organize the trip were literally setting up mini tables for an impromptu makalee (Korean rice wine) party and chopping up watermelon (On our floor. In the woods. At night. In 95 degree weather. On the floor. Where around 15 women had to sleep and NOT kill forest-dwelling creatures.) and using super sticky/sweet rice cake as chasers. Completely incredulous, I glanced across the table to see our bus driver taking shots!? What the??? This "party" lasted well into the night, and eventually dwindled down to ONLY the very men who had initiated it, as the rest of us were exhausted. (I later found out that some older women had even taken their pallets outside in an attempt to get some sleep. Of course they would have never challenged the men. See "Hierarchies" story.)

-After we finally figured out a way to coax the men out of our room, the younger women trip organizers' extremely loud Korean chatter even later into the night and 1st thing in the morning. Read: No sleep.

-After having gotten intoxicated while at the expo, and staying up til the wee hours of the morning chatting, the ability of our group leader to change our wake-up time, and have it extended by 2.5 hours (which was only so that we could have breakfast if we chose to). While it may have seemed like a good idea at the time, it also meant no monk music nor meditating.

-Open, communal showers (No, I still haven't jumped on that bandwagon yet, as I receive enough staring from Koreans with my clothes on, thank you.), which involved a lady leaving the shower area but coming back to peek through the door at me, and then having a different lady(?) sit next to me the following morning and rub the skin on my arm and knee in amazement.  (No, I hadn't shaved the previous night.)

-Cursing at the temple. Need I say more?

-Upon our return to the city, group leaders wanting to have dinner and drinks (with an emphasis on drinkS) after our long weekend of bus trekking, prolonged sun exposure ("sweaty" doesn't even begin to describe it), and lack of sleep. On a Sunday evening. (See: "A Short Story About Time")

After all of this hoopla, I actually began toying with the idea of drinking dish water. Would it really have been THAT bad?? I mean, I only used like 3 dishes anyway...






Oh, and did I mention that the main group-leader lady who stayed up late chatting and drinking, and who conveniently got all of the temple rules changed to suit her desires is--by her own admission-- a devout Buddhist??